Naked days...

Man, I miss naked days with a woman...sit around, eat, cook, sleep, watch TV, play chess...just being naked with the girl I love. It was always so nice and peaceful...Like Adam and Eve. I wonder if any of the girls I'm friends with are willing to do a naked day with me. Probably not. hehe. But that would be funny! Wouldn't quite work like a naked day with a loved one :) Oh well. There are naked days in my future, I just know it.

*yawn*

Ok, so today was half and half. Zoology lab was kinda funny. The teacher is a GA, and really cute. I played a bit of the good old class clown role that I did in highschool, which was fun. I think I may have to do a little flirting with her this semester..you know, the "hot for teacher" thing :) I have been saying how I want an older woman! But besides that...I guess since it's a human physiology class, I had women on the brain in particular, because we had to choose groups and I chose the one with the cute girls. I mean, it was also the group that would get longer before we have to present, but I'll admit that I more chose the group cause of the cute girl named Laura with the long nose. I've realized lately that I think long/big noses are adorable on girls. Celeste's was long, and I loved it. And a lot of the girls I've been noticing lately have big un's. Hehe...weird thing to be attracted to. So we got to look through microscopes...fun. Then the rest of the day was a daze, until work...I got to train a new worker in the photo lab...yay, maybe we will finally have the lab fully staffed. She is kinda timid...annoying. But she'll catch on hopefully. My manager wants me to train this girl to do everything inefficiently and slow, but I'm just trying to teach her the fast way to get stuff done. It's a kroger photo lab, not a professional photo shop. We have too much to do to go back and fix one blurry pic in every order. So I finally get to come home (long night) just wanting to cook a good dinner. But of course, the fucking sink is still filled with dishes. Tired of waiting for them to magically do themselves, I washed them, and lost my appetite in the process. So this was the down side of my day. Mess angers me. Especially irresponsible, gross mess. But, it's clean for now...hopefully for at least a day or two. grrrr...Tom (nicchus) just commented to me that my entries are too long. hmm... IS this true? Does no one actually read my entire entries because they are too much work? I guess I'll trim them down so I'm more entertaining:) So I'm thinkin tomorrow my DnD group should build a DnDMan (much like a snowman). But we can add amusing nerdy touches. Should be a good time. Easy day tomorrow, thank fucking god. Time to practice...

MUCH better....

Well today has been worlds better. I started the day right by working out, and while doing so discovered that I am indeed getting in better shape. I can run longer and harder now (hehe). Speaking of longer and harder- I don't know what's up with me lately, but I am never really horny any more. Maybe it's all the working out? Maybe doing that gets rid of all of my sexual tension so I don't feel the need to release it otherwise :) Interesting....ANYWAYS---So then I had a great lesson, learned a lot, had some great rehearsals, and oddly enough decided I like our new orchestra conductor...finally. I despised Ricardo Averbach last semester with a passion, and everyone in the orchestra knew it. I think he took my teacher evaluation to heart and decided to make some changes. I am much happier with him now, and even kind of impressed. I guess he's acceptable for Miami now :) But man, I would just cuss him out all to hell under my breath in rehearsals last semester. When I think back now I am ashamed of myself for being so unprofessional. Temper=bad (mental note)At the beginning of the year I met this girl and thought she was extremely cute and very smart and interesting. Later on after I began working at Kroger, this girl comes to the counter at the photo lab and starts talking to my manager. It turns out she's my manager's daughter. And the girl was begging her mom for a later curfew...hence I learned her age of sixteen. Eew. I am dirty. But hey, no crime against thinking she was cute. So yesterday my boss told me her daughter likes me. I took that as "my daughter thinks you are nice" or something like that. So I just said, "oh, that's nice." And my boss (Oliver, nickname) gave me a look. She then repeated herself, but in greater detail. Her daughter is attracted to me. At first I thought Oliver was telling me this from an amused standpoint, but slowly began to see that she was trying to get me to take her daughter on a date. I was, and am still, quite disturbed. I explained that I would feel wierd dating someone so much younger, and Oliver proceeded to tell me "well, it's better than her dating a 27 yr old. And definitely better than her going on a date with Randy" And as you guessed it, Randy is much older than her daughter. 51 to be exact. So, *barf* as sick as it is, I considered the possibility for a very brief second. This girl is quite attractive, and mature and intelligent enough to keep me amused...but dude, that's just wrong. If she were 20 and I, 26, it'd be a different story. It's a shame that there is a girl that's into me that I could have some interest in as well, but turns out to literally be a GIRL. Man I'm messed up. Am I a sicko for recognizing this girl's qualities? Or is that ok?Oh well. I guess it's time to recommend some stuff to people:Indiana University. It kicks major ass, with a student population of about 40K, a beautiful campus, temperate atmosphere, #1 party school in America, recent porn shoot location, amazing music school, low price...good place :)Pasta. You should try the great pasta I made tonight. And if you actually come over, there might be some left!Advil Cold and Sinus. Miracle drug.Coming to my lecture recital on natural horn, January 29, 7:00 PM. It'll rule.That's enough of my attempt at controlling others' lives for now. Goodbye

MUCH better....

Well today has been worlds better. I started the day right by working out, and while doing so discovered that I am indeed getting in better shape. I can run longer and harder now (hehe). Speaking of longer and harder- I don't know what's up with me lately, but I am never really horny any more. Maybe it's all the working out? Maybe doing that gets rid of all of my sexual tension so I don't feel the need to release it otherwise :) Interesting....ANYWAYS---So then I had a great lesson, learned a lot, had some great rehearsals, and oddly enough decided I like our new orchestra conductor...finally. I despised Ricardo Averbach last semester with a passion, and everyone in the orchestra knew it. I think he took my teacher evaluation to heart and decided to make some changes. I am much happier with him now, and even kind of impressed. I guess he's acceptable for Miami now :) But man, I would just cuss him out all to hell under my breath in rehearsals last semester. When I think back now I am ashamed of myself for being so unprofessional. Temper=bad (mental note)At the beginning of the year I met this girl and thought she was extremely cute and very smart and interesting. Later on after I began working at Kroger, this girl comes to the counter at the photo lab and starts talking to my manager. It turns out she's my manager's daughter. And the girl was begging her mom for a later curfew...hence I learned her age of sixteen. Eew. I am dirty. But hey, no crime against thinking she was cute. So yesterday my boss told me her daughter likes me. I took that as "my daughter thinks you are nice" or something like that. So I just said, "oh, that's nice." And my boss (Oliver, nickname) gave me a look. She then repeated herself, but in greater detail. Her daughter is attracted to me. At first I thought Oliver was telling me this from an amused standpoint, but slowly began to see that she was trying to get me to take her daughter on a date. I was, and am still, quite disturbed. I explained that I would feel wierd dating someone so much younger, and Oliver proceeded to tell me "well, it's better than her dating a 27 yr old. And definitely better than her going on a date with Randy" And as you guessed it, Randy is much older than her daughter. 51 to be exact. So, *barf* as sick as it is, I considered the possibility for a very brief second. This girl is quite attractive, and mature and intelligent enough to keep me amused...but dude, that's just wrong. If she were 20 and I, 26, it'd be a different story. It's a shame that there is a girl that's into me that I could have some interest in as well, but turns out to literally be a GIRL. Man I'm messed up. Am I a sicko for recognizing this girl's qualities? Or is that ok?Oh well. I guess it's time to recommend some stuff to people:Indiana University. It kicks major ass, with a student population of about 40K, a beautiful campus, temperate atmosphere, #1 party school in America, recent porn shoot location, amazing music school, low price...good place :)Pasta. You should try the great pasta I made tonight. And if you actually come over, there might be some left!Advil Cold and Sinus. Miracle drug.Coming to my lecture recital on natural horn, January 29, 7:00 PM. It'll rule.That's enough of my attempt at controlling others' lives for now. Goodbye

Going to kill something...

I've Been So Mad LatelySh*t fu*ck hell damn sh*t fu*ck sh*tFu*ckSh*t-for-brains a$$hole dickweed all rightYou're a motherf*cker and I hate youF*ck sh*t hell damn sh*t f*ckF*ck you f*ck you fu*ck you fu*ck youF*ck you f*ck you fu*ck you f*ck youI'm pissedI'm pissedI'm so pissed offI'm so f*cking pissedYou take everything and then you left meYou took all my sh*t you left me nothingNow I'm getting really angryI feel like I'm gonna f*cking explodeYou think you're gonna get away with this?F*ck you f*ck you f*ck you f*ck youF*ck you f*ck you f*ck you f*ck youI'm pissedI'm pissedI'm so pissed offI'm so f*cking pissedSh*t-for-brains a$$hole f*ckfaceYou're a motherf*cker and I hate youSh*t f*ck hell damn sh*t f*ckYou can eat the corn out of my sh*tF*ck you f*ck you f*ck you f*ck youF*ck you f*ck you f*ck you f*ck youI'm pissedI'm pissedI'm so pissed offI'm so f*cking pissedPissedPissedPissedI've been so mad lately I am listening to this god-awful band, Butt Trumpet right now. But this song sums up how I feel right now. I guess when you are trying to be exceedingly happy every day, a bad day just affects you that much more, because I feel like going on a rampage right now. I think if I just sleep it will go away and be cleansed when I wake up tomorrow. A new day...yay

AHHHH!!

Man, I'm just having a shitty day! I woke up feeling a cold coming on, so instead of getting up and going to practice I just rolled over to sleep more. Then I went to studio class and of course Caitlin and I disagreed on stuff...we'll never see eye to eye I guess. I was misunderstood in something I was doing in the music and ended up looking like an ass yet again in front of the studio. SO I talked to GP afterwards, and I was frustrated, and he wasn't helping (even though it wasn't his fault) and I started to just walk out on him. I can't believe I pretty much lost it in front of GP over my temper. He yelled at me to come back and whipped me into shape. He's a great mentor...So then the bus took forever to arrive...students here pay for a service and the service is completely mediocre. Standing in the cold for 20 minutes isn't fun, especially when you have a lot of other things to do. So in general I am just real cranky and hope I can get over it soon, cause I hate feeling all negative n stuff.Last night we played a little more DnD and Archie got his hand back finally. Yay. Now he can steal stuff properly again. :)Today's my mom's birthday, and I don't have the money to buy her anything really. But I am working on thie really cool composite of a whole lot of pictures to put into a big frame to hang in her office. It's a lot of work, and I don't have much time at the moment to work on it, but I'm thinking she'll really love it when I finally finish it. I miss her...and my dog, Snuggles. She's a beagle-springer spaniel. If you didn't know this already, I'm a real mama's boy. She and I are real close-we talk about everything. I have always just talked to her as I do one of my friends, and what is real good about being "friends" with your mom, is that she won;t sugarcoat things sometimes like friends do to make you feel better. She tells the hard truth like it is. Brian won the auction on DDR, so it will be here soon! I had a dream about it arriving in the mail last night, kinda funny. Brian was expecting it the same night he won it, and I thought he was silly...but sure enough,, it arrived in the middle of the night! Wierd dream, but I wish the postal service was really that fast! Ok, well, time to do some stuff.

No more patchy beard...

Well, it's time to shave. I put a poll on my IM profile and got 80% votes for me to shave, and I promised my roomate, huntin_expert, I would do it this weekend. I've basically had some facial hair all through college, and feel that I look retarded without it. I think I look real young, have no chin, and look just...dumb. But a lot of people say I look better without, so I'm giving it a try. :(Today was good. I woke up late for work, but once I got there it was smooth sailing- an easy shift. But man, I was tired. I only got 3 hrs of sleep or so, because we all (huntin_expert, smileydee, Avious, and I) went to Tom's (nicchus') 22nd b'day party. There was enough beer to, well, not feed, but...get an army drunk. So I had lotsa beers, and my friends discovered how great Michelob light, low carbohydrates is. I didn't see the beauty as muh, but oh well...I played this game, DDRMax. It is a game where you "dance" to techno on a pad. I always thought the whole concept was for silly little Japanese boys, but discovered that it is immensly fun! Brian and I are going in together to buy the pads and the game so we can play at home, and get a full cardiovascular excercise every day :)Also at this party I stated that I do not want a mate with a lot of health problems. I don't want her to die on me early, or give me defective kids, or need me to take care of her the rest of her life. I was not saying that I would fall out of love with a woman for that, but that I might be less attracted to a girl with horrible asthma, or her family has a history of something horrible or whatever. A girl named Stephi heard this and made me feel like a jerk for this. What is wrong with wanting a healthy mate? I mean, it's just a thing in a list of things I look for in a woman:IntelligentFunOpenGood moralsHas the abilility to breatheHonestNice butt :)AdventurousNot going to die of a heart attackCuteGood smileFull set of appendagesDeep thinkerYou know, health just kinda fits in with all those other things. Nothin wrong with that.So I went to a Cincinatti Horn Choir rehearsal tonight and got to hang out with His GP-ness (heh, that's my horn teacher) and it was quite cool. The woman next to me was dumb as a rock though. She would keep asking where we're starting, even after the conductor said so twice. Some people...There was a lady there, bragging about her son, another horn player. This kid is a freshman in college, got accepted into Rice (arguably the best horn school there is), is friends with Eric Ruske (premier horn soloist) has a cute, cute girlfriend, a good family, and is said to be a "great kid" by GP. This guy has everything! I want to be Robert when I grow up. Oh well, can't have everything (yet...I will eventually!) So this re-sparked my desire to go to Rice. But man, it's in Houston, and they only take 2 horns a year. So I have very slim chances on beating everyone else out. And it would cost a lotta money and effort to go down there. But it hit me today I could ask Miami for some money to pay for my flight. Rice MIGHT still be an option:)So tomorrow I wake up ass early and work out with Brian, then practice before my first brahms rehearsal on natural horn (more natural horn info later) then later have a lesson with 3 or 4 highschool students-I'll get paid $30 for an hour of work, so yay. Things are really good.

Some doubts...

For every 2 steps forward there is invaribly a step back every now and then. With last night being a downer being stressed at work, and tonight reading Katie's online journal and finding out so many people have been badmouthing me back in Louisville, and that I caused her so much grief, I feel like a bastard. Am I just THAT unlikable of a person? Everyone seems to always have some sort of problem with me! For god's sake, the 2 women that have "been in love" with me ended up hating me afterwards. The most recent one wants me to never contact her again. What is wrong with me??? I try to do things for people and be good and nice and understanding and friendly and in general a wonderful person, but somehow always come out the worthless sack of crap in the end. I just can't win. Well...I never will if I consider "winning" part of my interraction with people on this world. Winning is being happy with yourself and living an accomplished life...I guess. I dunno though, I feel awfully drawn to social and romantic ties. I wish I could figure out what truly matters. I guess peoples' opinions and feelings towards me do matter, if I let them get to me so much. SO what do I have to do to keep everyone from hating me in the end? How do I keep that woman that swears she will love me till the day she dies in love with me as opposed to despising me? I don't think I can do the whole "look out for yourself thing" because that's just not my style. But would I be happier? Man...I want some stability in my life. You know, the next woman that tells me she loves me better mean it, or I will probably die of a heart attack when I find out different. I can't take all that again. Ok, tired of being a whiner...So our storming of Thargor's Keep was a success tonight! But my character Archie died 3 times...it started to get annoying. But we killed lotsa bad dudes and got lotsa gold. Maybe enough to buy Archie a new hand. Yay exciting...So, can anyone guess what my favorite punctuation is? It should be pretty easy to figure out... (heh)Ok, I think my big negativity thing is starting to pass. I know I'm not an asshole...I pretty much like who I am...could use some tuning up and stuff, but in general I know I'm a good guy. The ex's only hate me after loving me because that's just what happens in a bad break. Not really on my shoulders. So let's figure out who really hates me:Caitlin (fellow horn player. will never resolve because we are oil and water. but there is civility.)Louisville people badmouthing me (probably don't hate, were probably only badmouthing to support Katie in her anger for me)Celeste (well, likes to push people out of her life to avoid any more pain for herself, and I did say mean things to her after the break(but for good reasons sometimes) so I can't help that one much)I guess people disliking, hating, or just having a problem with me really just need to get over it. And I need to get over them having a problem with me. It's really not important, huh? The true important people to me look past my faults, like good friends. Yay, less sad, but maybe kinda annoyed, but starting to feel better about myself again. I will stop having people issues one day and meet a woman who is truly loving and honest and open with me, and really does something for me all at the same time. I'm sure at least one exists out there. I guess I should make a list of qualities I look for in a woman so I can asses what i value better...but it's late, so i'll do it later. G'night!

1st week: done

I've made it through my first week of all this stuff...Went to all of my classes, did a whole lot of practicing, wasted minimal time, was happy about 85% of the time, complained very little, accomplished lots, and worked out pretty consistently. I really hope I can keep things up at this pace, because it feels amazingly good. I am still not letting myself get enough sleep though...something to work on next week. Also my mind is still a little too preoccupied with girls. I look at em and think of em too much. Maybe if I just have really good date I'll be appeased for a while. I guess that's what I'm looking for when I stare around "recklessly"...a good date. Oh well, women...not worth the trouble really (no offense intended, ladies!) :) So tonight is the big night in our DnD (Dungeons and Dragons) game. Archie (my gnome thief) is pissed at getting his hand chopped off and thirsting for blood! We have hired 12 men to help our party take out Thargor's Keep. We spent a couple hours the last 2 nights creating the 12 characters...I hope it all goes well, or it means all thet planning for nothing. Anyways, on to things readers might actually care to read...I realized last night how much of a downer I had to be to everyone I talked to last semester. Someone who is always negative is a horrid person to talk to, so I would like to throw out a massive appology to anyone out there who expects one from me :) I was an obsessive, whiny boar. Sorry bout that. If there are any video game fans reading this, I highly recommend Arx Fatalis, one of the best games I have played in a long long time. And if you want to try a new CD, and don't know much about Pink Floyd, I've been recommending Wish You Were Here lately. It's a good album for a beginner Floyd fan. Ok, I'm outta here.